Chapter Three

Chapter Three

“Jessamina? What are you doing in here?”

Jessa turned around and froze in surprise. A young man in a brown smock and cap was standing at the entrance of the back room.

“What? Haven’t I got a right to be here? Don’t you think I should be allowed to visit my own father’s shop?”
“Of course you do! I just wasn’t expecting you, that’s all. It gave me quite a start to see you here.”
“I’m the only other person who is ever back here, Edmund. I have been for years. Aren’t you used to it by now?”
“Not really. You still surprise me every time.” There was an awkward pause between them. “So, really, aren’t you going to tell me why you’re here?”
“If you absolutely insist on knowing, I need a pair of pliers. My brooch broke, and I was trying to fix it.”
“The one your father gave you? Oh no! Let me see it--” He reached out his hand.
“No!” she quickly hid the brooch behind her back. Edmund looked hurt at her abruptness. “Edmund, no, it’s really not necessary. Could you just tell me if there are some repair tools around?”
“There usually are, but unfortunately I brought them back to my flat so I could repair a leak in my room. But, I could take it home with me tonight and return it to your house in the morning.”
“No really. No need to trouble yourself about them. I shall simply have someone like Mr. Shelby fix it.”
“It wouldn’t be a trouble at all, Jessamina. You know that I--”
“You have so much work to do around here all the time--”
“I enjoy helping you, Jessamina. Really, I do.”
“No. You’ll have to help me some other time.” Edmund looked down at the ground in defeat and shuffled away. “How was work today, Edmund?”

“Oh, the usual, I suppose. Just helping save people’s lives.” He grinned at her. “I do wish, however, that I could have been at Mr. Wiloughby’s funeral.”
“Ugh, don’t. It was horrible. The priest just went on and on about what a wonderful man Mr. Wiloughby was, when every one knows what a lousy human being he was.”
“He may not have made the best decisions in his, Jessamina, but he was still a human being. He deserves nice words at his funeral.”
“No, he doesn’t. He deserves a send off fitting for a criminal.”
“Jessamina, if I didn’t know any better, I would think that you’re glad that he’s dead! His life is no less important than that of you, or your mother--”
“Or my Father?” she shouted. Edmund was dumbstruck at her anger.
He cleared his throat. “Every life has equal importance in God’s eyes, Jessamina.”

Jessamina stifled her urge to scoff at him. Honestly, how could a man that brilliant still believe that God exists? After all that he has been through? His optimism, while some people find it endearing, I find it foolish, she thought.

But instead of saying all this, she simply grabbed her jacket, she said, “Well, I really should be going,” and headed out the door.

“Wait, Jessamina! I meant to ask you something earlier.”
“Yes? What is it?”
“Well, the other day, as I was doing some organizing back here, I noticed that some of the tools I use were not in their usual places.”

Jessamina froze. Her heart was racing as fast as a train and as loud as horses’ hooves, but she didn’t show it to him. Instead she looked him straight in the eyes without blinking.
“Oh really?”
“Yes.”
“How strange.” she said with as much boredom as she could muster. “And which tools were out of place, might I ask?”
“My steam-inoculator.” Her heart began racing again.
“Hmm. Well, I think that you use it so often that you probably just left it somewhere different the night before.”
“No, Jessamina. This was the spare steam-inoculator. The one that I keep on the same shelf in the back room in case of emergencies. Except on this particular day, it was sitting on this very worktable. And what’s even more peculiar, is that when I opened the case, it was missing.”
“Was it?”
“Yes. But curiously enough, the next day, it had reappeared in it’s case and original position on the shelf.”
“How curious. Perhaps there’s some sort of demon or ghost haunting this apothecary. Or maybe, there’s a guilty kleptomaniac lurking the streets of London. But just in case it’s the former, I think you might want to call some sort of Priest to perform an exorcism just to safe--”
“Jessamina.” he sighed. “Is that really what you think?”
“Of course. What else could it be?”
“I think you know, Jessamina.” He stared at her intently.
“What? Me? You think I’ve been fiddling with your little... little toys! Ha!”
“Jessamina, if you want to study some apothecarial techniques, if that’s something that interest you, all you have to do is tell me. I completely understand. I’d be more that willing to teach you all that I know. All that I learned... from your father.”
“Nothing in this world would bore me more than listening to you drone on and on about medicine, Edmund. I promise you.” Jessamina could tell that she had hurt him, and was almost glad about it. He had no right to be so understanding with her, and and it really frustrated Jessamina that he continued to be so nice to her after all these years.

**************************************

With Edmund’s lips pressed against hers, Jessamina felt as though nothing else in the whole entire world could possibly matter. It was as if all time and space had vanished completely, and the only thing keeping her from falling into the darkness was Edmund. Edmund, Edmund, Edmund: with his soft copper-colored hair, and his dimples, and his hazel eyes that crinkled whenever he smiled. Edmund, who was patient with her when she had questions about his work. Edmund, who was the answer to all her questions about love and romance. Even the name Edmund sounded so majestic to her. He was a king among men, a prize jewel of the crown, and she had won him. She, Jessamina Elizabeth Delaney, a naive young woman who had never loved before, had managed to have his heart. She thought about that fact every day, and still never managed to believe it was true.

Even simply being in the same room with him made everything else fade away. If she knew that her father had invited him to supper, it took all her strength to act as if he were just another of her father’s business acquaintances instead of the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. She had to stare at her food during the duration of the meal for fear that if she looked into his eyes, she would never be able to leave. She had loved him since the first day she met him, and having to pretend otherwise was the hardest thing she had ever had to do. In fact, the day her father had given her that brooch, she wanted to tell him that his gift would not be necessary, because she had only be courted by one boy, and he was the kindest, gentlest, most handsome man on the face of the planet. But, alas, she had to keep their love a secret, and continue their courting behind her parents’ back.

Which meant that on days when Mr. Delaney was working in the front of the shop, Edmund spent a lot of time in the back room stocking supplies, while Jessamina snuck in through the back door. It was their little hideaway from the rest of the prying world.

After what seemed like ages of their bodies being pressed together, she broke apart from him breathlessly.


“We shouldn’t be doing this, you know. It isn’t right. Being alone with me... your employer’s daughter. My reputation might be soiled,” she teased.

“Soiled?” Edmund replied in mock outrage. “What, even though I was the one who clearly seduced by your loveliness and charm and divine beauty? No, my darling, it is you who have ruined me.” He kissed her forehead and tucked a loosened curl behind her ears. “But perhaps you’re right. Perhaps we should refrain from these little...rendezvous in the storage cupboard.”

“Refrain!” she gasped. “Never, my love, they’re the most enjoyable part of my day!”
“As they are mine, believe me. But if we only wait a few more months--”
“I’m tired of waiting Edmund--”
“But once you come out into society, I can court you the proper way, Jessa.” She loved his little pet name for her: Jessa. He’s the only one who ever called her that, and the only one who ever would. “No more of this secrecy, I promise. I will win your parents over, and prove to them that I can provide for you and give you a good life. If I don’t wait until then, your parents will simply think I’m a perverted old man who has corrupted their only daughter’s innocence.”
Jessamina giggled. “They most certainly will not! Both my parents adore you, Edmund! And you’re not even that much older than me.”
“You’re sixteen and I’m twenty-one, Jessamina. And they adore Edmund the apothecary’s apprentice, not Edmund the son-in-law.”
“Well fine, I suppose if you feel like you have to wait... but you better be careful.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean that after a few seasons of lavish parties I may find some other man who will sweep me off my feet and carry me away on his golden carriage pulled by twelve white horses.”
“Oh, I’d like to see him try!” he laughed. He picked her up and spun her around the room until she was dizzy and laughing. “Nothing will deter me from asking for your hand in marriage.”
“Really?”
He took her hand in his own, and sat her down at his worktable. “Really, I promise you, Jessa, I will marry you. I will marry you as soon as my apprenticeship is over, and I can open a shop of my own back in my hometown of Glasren. Right now, Glasren still doesn’t have an apothecary at all, so my services would be very helpful and profitable. It doesn’t take much money to become an upper-class citizen of Glasren, you know. I’d be able to take good care of you then, and you wouldn’t need a dowry at all, because we’d be living such a wonderful, comfortable life.” he kissed her hand. She blushed and rested her head against his shoulder.
“Oh, Jessa,” he continued, “I know you’ll love it there in Glasren. The water there is so clear, that you can see your entire reflection in it, as if it were a mirror. And the air is pure, and good for the lungs-- so free from pollution, that you wouldn’t have these coughing fits like you sometimes do. Everyone knows one another, and no one feels unsafe from crime. There are fields and fields of green clover as far as the eyes can see, and we’ll live in a house on a bluff that overlooks the waves. Oh, I could make you so happy, Jessa--”
“You already do make me happy, Edmund. So very, very happy. Even if we were married in London, even if I had to live in your tiny, cramped little flat, I would be the luckiest woman alive.”
“No. You deserve so much more than that, Jessa. If you had to stay in London, it would make far more sense to marry an upper-class gentleman--someone with dozens of servants who could wait on your hand and foot. Someone far away from the crime and grit of inner-city London. Someone with a country house so you could get some air every now and then. Your parents would never let you marry me if I were to stay in London. Nor would I want you to.”
“Then we could elope--”
“And estrange you from your parents? I would never do that to you.”
“Edmund, you mean so much more to me than my parents.”
“Think of your father, Jessa. Do you really think you’d be able to live without him by your side? Without his companionship?” Jessa began to protest, but realized he was right. She loved Edmund more than she ever thought she would, but her Father was the most important person in her life. “No, he and your mother will spend their summers with us by the sea.”
“Oh, Edmund. How I love you.”
“And I, you, my dear. Forever and always. There is nothing you could do that would ever change that.”
************************************************

She’d almost forgotten how different her relationship had been three years ago. Back then she would have gladly sat in this room with Edmund for hours, just listening to his voice. Now, it was all she could do to stay calm and act indifferent towards him. The truth was she was still angry with him, and she’d never forgive him.

Edmund broke the silence that had filled then room since she had belittled his profession. “Well, I suppose if that’s how you feel. But just know that I’m here for you, if you ever need anything. You don’t... you shouldn’t feel as though you have to go behind my back.”

“I shall keep that in mind. Thank you.”
“Yes. Well, I suppose I should close up for the day.”
“What, so early?”
“Yes, well all of the customers are gone and I had some plans for the evening.”
“Do you? With a lady, perhaps?”
“What?”
“I had heard rumors that Lady Cecilia Dubose’s daughter, Alexis, has a lover. Someone she’s afraid her parents finding out about because he’s not in her class. And I know that once she came in here to pick up some medicine from her father, and you had a conversation with her for over an hour.”
“I promise you, Jessamina, there is nothing between me and Ms. Dubose. We are merely acquaintances.”

For some reason (Jessamina was certain it wasn’t because she still cared form Edmund), this news comforted her.
“Good,” she replied. Because she’s an absolutely wretched woman. She’s beautiful and every one thinks she can do no wrong, but she’s an incredibly gossipy and vile person. I promise you, if you ever court her, that she will rip your heart out and stomp it into a million little pieces. She can’t be trusted to love because she doesn’t have a heart.”

“Well, I can’t say I’ve had the pleasure of seeing that side of her, but I promise you that I will never be in danger of ever giving my heart to her.”
“And why is that?”
“Because it belongs to another.”

Her pulse started racing, and she suddenly became very interested at smoothing the folds of her skirt.
“And to whom does it belong, Edmund? Not to some loose woman on the docks I hope.”
“You know very well who it belongs to,” he said.

She looked up at him in surprise, as he was suddenly standing only feet away from her; so close she could see the flecks of gold in his eyes. She felt her knees weakening a little bit.

“I think we should talk about what happened all those years ago, Jessa--”

Jessa.

She couldn’t take it any longer.

“Goodnight, Edmund.” She grabbed her hat and ran out the door as fast as could.

“Wait! Jessa, listen to me!”

She kept running and did not look back. She kept running and did not stop until she reached her own house, and she thought she was safe from hearing Edmund’s voice in her head anymore.

Jessa.

She took deep breaths to calm herself. She knew he hadn’t called her that in years, which could only mean one thing. She pressed her hand to forehead and shook her head as if to rid herself of thoughts of him. He doesn’t care for you, Jessamina. Nor do you care for him! she scolded herself. Stop acting like a child.

But try as she might, there he was; still calling out to her.

Jessa.